That's A Secret

jathis

Source: hello-kitty puto! i love that shit! :D

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serindrana

sunshinychick sunshinychick

ok so i think i finally found a category where tumblr is better than pinterest and that’s food

on pinterest if you search recipes they’re like “try a skinny mom pop! put 3 strawberries on a stick and add a little drizzle of white chocolate! way tasty and way healthier than most dessert options out there!”

tumblr food tag is like “put 15 snickers bars in a bigger fucking snickers bar you beautiful disaster”

Source: winemom-culture

100% true facts about the signs

Aries: has way too many cups/water bottles in their room
Taurus: is always a slut for Doritos
Gemini: sucks at math
Cancer: daydreams about living with their crush every night
Leo: spends all their money on food
Virgo: is quiet but secretly a kinky freak
Libra: has an amazing ass
Scorpio: really wants to adopt 5 dogs
Sagittarius: is stressed 24/7 but pretends to be chill to maintain their aesthetic
Capricorn: has the worst memory ever
Aquarius: believes in aliens
Pisces: likes to preform dramatic music videos to songs whilst alone or drunk

Source: animmalcrossing leo not really true but yeah i like food

theladyems

slashmarks

there’s a big difference between “food waste” as in “farmers destroy tons of food to avoid exceeding quotas” or “supermarkets throw away this much edible food because it doesn’t sell”

and “food waste” as in “it is not actually within the capacity of humans to perfectly predict and track household food consumption, so a certain amount of food per household inevitably goes bad and has to be thrown out every year”

transexualizer transexualizer

the idea that food waste is the product of thoughtless consumers rather than corporate greed is really insidious

Source: slashmarks

tony-bad-ass-stark

What to do if you suddenly find yourself homeless

dangerbabegang

FOOD

Find your nearest food bank or mission, for food
grocery stores with free samples, bakeries + stores with day-old bread
different fast food outlets have cheaper food and will generally let you hang out for a while.
some dollar stores carry food like cans of beans or fruit

SHELTER

Sleeping at beaches during the day is a good way to avoid suspicion and harassment
sleep with your bag strapped to you, so someone can’t steal it
Some churches offer short term residence
Find your nearest homeless shelter
Look for places that are open to the public
A large dumpster near a wall can often be moved so that flipping up the lids creates an angled shelter to stay dry

HYGIENE

A membership to the YMCA is usually only 10$, which has a shower, and sometimes laundry machines and lockers.
Public libraries have bathrooms you can use
Dollar stores carry low-end soaps and deodorant etc.
Wet wipes are all purpose and a life saver
Local beaches, go for a quick swim
Some truck stops have showers you can pay for
Staying clean is the best way to prevent disease, and potentially get a job to get back on your feet
Pack 7 pairs of socks/undies, 2 outfits, and one hooded rain jacket

OTHER

first aid kit
sunscreen
a travel alarm clock or watch
mylar emergency blanket
a backpack is a must
downgrade your cellphone to a pay as you go with top-up cards
sleeping bag
travel kit of toothbrush, hair brush/comb, mirror
swiss army knife
can opener

spork-of-humanity

Reblog to literally save a life

Source: dangerbabegang

theladyems

What to do if you suddenly find yourself homeless

dangerbabegang

FOOD

Find your nearest food bank or mission, for food
grocery stores with free samples, bakeries + stores with day-old bread
different fast food outlets have cheaper food and will generally let you hang out for a while.
some dollar stores carry food like cans of beans or fruit

SHELTER

Sleeping at beaches during the day is a good way to avoid suspicion and harassment
sleep with your bag strapped to you, so someone can’t steal it
Some churches offer short term residence
Find your nearest homeless shelter
Look for places that are open to the public
A large dumpster near a wall can often be moved so that flipping up the lids creates an angled shelter to stay dry

HYGIENE

A membership to the YMCA is usually only 10$, which has a shower, and sometimes laundry machines and lockers.
Public libraries have bathrooms you can use
Dollar stores carry low-end soaps and deodorant etc.
Wet wipes are all purpose and a life saver
Local beaches, go for a quick swim
Some truck stops have showers you can pay for
Staying clean is the best way to prevent disease, and potentially get a job to get back on your feet
Pack 7 pairs of socks/undies, 2 outfits, and one hooded rain jacket

OTHER

first aid kit
sunscreen
a travel alarm clock or watch
mylar emergency blanket
a backpack is a must
downgrade your cellphone to a pay as you go with top-up cards
sleeping bag
travel kit of toothbrush, hair brush/comb, mirror
swiss army knife
can opener

spork-of-humanity

Reblog to literally save a life

Source: dangerbabegang

catgoboom

if you ever forget the spelling difference between ‘desert’ and ‘dessert’ just remember a double-s stands for “sweet & sugary” (*´꒳`*)

catgoboom

alternatively, the one ‘s’ in desert is just “SAND”

So I’m negotiating with a demon to get it to join my crew, and it said it was hungry so I opted to give it food.
But what the text said wasn’t that I gave it food, but Dagda happened to have food on him so we gave it that.

LIKE WE DIDN’T GIVE THE DEMON SOME ANCIENT PACKET OF INSTANT NOODLES NO DAGDA JUST HAPPENED TO HAVE FOOD ON HIM. DESPITE HIS JERKISHNESS DOES HE JUST CARRY AROUND FOOD IN HIS POCKETS IN CASE NANASHI IS STARVING? I’M JUST THINKING OF HIM POPPING OUT OF THE SMARTPHONE AND GOING “EY KIDDO YOU NEED SOME PROTIEN AND I HAPPENED TO HAVE THIS CHICKEN SANDWICH YOU WANT IT?”

WHAT EVEN XD

Maria plays smt

fuckingrecipes

Anonymous asked:

Do you know any really good celiac desserts? I'm trying to find a decent recipe for a cake or cookies or some shit. (I guess it doesn't really matter how complex the recipes are, just as long as they aren't god awful like a lot of the ones I've made.)

fuckingrecipes answered:

Culturally, western people have a lot of focus on sweet cakes and baked goods being your dessert, but as long as you consider that thing a treat, I think it counts. (I consider eating artichoke hearts to be dessert. They’re expensive and I love them, so it counts, so there)

Flan is caramelized sugar and milk products

A lot of East Asian desserts use rice flour - Asian stores sell “glutinous rice” - It doesn’t actually have gluten in it, it’s just a specific type of sweet and sticky rice. So Glutinous rice flour doesn’t actually have gluten - it’s named ‘Glutinous’ because it is glue-like and sticky and opaque white.

Which means you can have all sorts of east Asian rice-flour desserts.
Mochi, rice flour chocolate cupcakes…
As well as anything primarily fruit, cream, and syrup-based.
Or rice flour pancakes, and drown them in maple syrup and pecans or strawberries.
or Carioca
Sweet rice pudding.

Corn normally doesn’t have the type of gluten that bothers celiacs, so that opens up ALL SORTS of South American and Mexican desserts.
Plus just… straight up, normal cornbread is gluten-free.

Chocolate pudding.
A billion variations of cream cheese spread to go on fruit, rice crackers, other cheese, bits of meat, etc.

I feel like a lot of people, when they realize they need a special diet, try to keep their original diet with ‘replacement’ or ‘substitute’ parts.

Like a new vegetarian asking “Which vegetable is the meat?” There is no meat. You don’t need to eat faux-turkey or faux-steak - your meal will be SO much better without leaning on the ghost of what-could-be. - Enjoy what is open to you, luxuriate in the billions of flavors you can have. Removing gluten really hasn’t removed THAT many options, out of the INNUMERABLE HOARDE OF FOOD ITEMS AVAILABLE.

Just… try desserts that naturally don’t have gluten. There are TONS. TONS AND TONS AND TONS.

Don’t try to limit yourself to “Fake cookies” and just because cookies are familiar.

dutchster

debrides

I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.

autisticcole autisticcole

I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”

hermionegranger

when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”

mugsandpugs1

One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”

thomrainierskies

One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say ‘Welcome to White Castle, what’s your crave?’) asked, “Welcome to White Castle, what’s your problem?”

She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing.

mirab3lle

Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed

icouldwritebooks

Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.

commanderfraya

i work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy - ill ask the same question twice, or say “$2.60 is your total” while handing back their change, or say “how are you doing today?” instead of “have a good day!” like name it ive bungled it

but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: “few books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both”

as i handed her the bag i was trying to say “thanks, youre all set” and instead my brain mashed up the review and i said “thanks, youre important”

there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said. she blinked and then said “oh thank you! youre important too!”

the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his response was “at least you said something NICE. last week i accidentally combined ‘youre welcome’ and ‘no problem’ into ‘youre a problem’”

agrestenoir

one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, “This is why we use our walking feet.”

we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, “yeah, okay, i should’ve done that.”

gin-and-eschatonic

I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in kitchens, so I still will reflexively say shit like “behind” and “coming around” as I maneuver through spaces and around people.

Which, actually, not such a bad thing; I’m a big guy and can come across as imposing pretty easily. The position calls can help defuse that, and also help avoid collisions.

Less good is the time my brain was half functional and I let slip a “coming with a knife” while grocery shopping. THAT took some explaining.

starlightandcrimescenes starlightandcrimescenes

I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my mum asked me to send her a train ticket I had bought for her. I emailed her “Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks, Alex”

narwhalsarefalling

i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat if he needed something.

sugar4ndroses

I have woken up in a cold sweat saying “is that for here or to go?”

la-mancha-screwjob

Every time a friend thanks me, and I respond with “gladly” or “my pleasure”, I die completely 1000% inside

runicbinary

I work at a plasma donation center. When processing donors, we call them by name, they walk up to the counter, and then we ask for their name and donor number. One time, instead of saying “Robert” I hollered “Name and donor number!?” into a full waiting room. Three people started announcing their names and donor numbers before we all realized that I fucked up.

three-course-dessert

In college, I was a barista at Borders (remember Borders, you guys?!) I once drove through Taco Bell on my way home after a shift. When the cashier said, “okay, that’ll be $5.46!” I cheerfully responded, “Do you have a Borders rewards card?”

adventurotica

I have dealt with so many difficult customers over the years that I used to angrily call my dog “Sir” when I was mad at him.

diyozas

My first job was at my nearest Panera, and after coming home from a ten-hour Sunday morning shift, I was exhausted; but when my mom called me to come downstairs, instead of replying in the grumpy teenagerish tone I usually would, I said in my cheeriest, fakest voice, “Not a problem at all, let me just check with my manager!” before realizing my mistake.

artwlw

my coworker went to back up the cash registers one time and she had been at customer service right before. when we finish with a customer we have to sometimes get the attention of the next person and will shout “i can get the next person in line!” but instead of saying that she yelled “HI WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH” to everyone in the general area

youlovelucie

I have told my dog “no thank you” so many times after working at a preschool

spacecores

a couple of times i’ve gotten stuck in a hello how are you good how are you good how are you loop with an equally tired Fred Meyer’s cashier after a long shift but the best time was after a 10 to 10 post-holidays after they told me my total, I asked if they would like a bag today and after a confused few seconds they were like, “no… I have the bags”

thebritishteapot

Worked in a gallery where we asked people to take off their backpacks in order not to accidentally damage paintings. So when I went to the shop later and saw a guy in the line in front of me, I told him he had to remove his backpack. He probably thought I was politely trying to rob him.

beecher-arts

One time I was working the bar at Starbucks and was asking a customer what they wanted with their drink. All the while my buddy was calling my name saying “Nick. Nick. Nick. Nick.”
–Until I ended up asking the customer, “Do you want some Nick in your iced coffee?”

mtex

Or like… When it’s your birthday and someone says, “Happy Birthday!” And you respond back with “you too!” Wait… “I mean, thanks..”

Because you’re so used to being told “Have a good day!” And saying back “you too!” And your birthday only comes around once a year so you’re not used to being told that.

Yep. It’s happened to me.

…more than once.